Sleepless slumber

It’s 1:37 AM and yet sleep avoids me like the plague. Far too many thoughts swarm around inside my head. Things that I haven’t thought about for a while. I wish some memories would stay in the past. 

A song came on that reminds me of a different time, a different me. Every person has many masks, one for different situations and events. I’m a completely different person with my friends than I am when I work around children. I love summer camp, but if any of my friends from outside of camp saw me in that environment, I am sure they wouldn’t know me. 

Memories from the summer are bombarding me at the moment, and I truly wish they would stop. They make me miss things that I feel are wrong to miss, people who don’t miss me. There was a person at this camp whom I have grown close too over the last few years, and now we don’t talk. We both made mistakes, and our friendship suffered for it. 

At first I was too heartbroken to really know what to do with myself. I was lost and wandering to see if there was a possibility that I had dreamt the whole thing, but when I pinched myself and didn’t wake up, I took to my greatest outlet. I began writing letters. 

I’ve written many letters to him, describing my feelings and just random things that have occurred. I’ve never sent them, nor will he ever read them. I just needed to get feelings of my chest, needed to lift a large weight from my shoulders. I’ve become stronger because of all of this, but still, he haunts me. 

And now, as it’s 1:50 in the morning, his golden brown eyes haunt me, eyes he used to call normal, but they held magic in them. He was able to fix so many broken pieces of me. I only wish I could speak to him once again, tell him how much I miss him, remind him of all the good memories, and take back the mistakes I made. 

My heart is heavy, my eyes are starting to fall. And I shall fall asleep to the sound of my favourite music playing, and the thought of possibilities past. 

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