I have had difficulty accepting the way mt body looks and my size. So many people will often think I’m crazy because I’m by no means a large person. I am a size six or seven in pants, a size medium in shirts usually, but the fashion industry makes it hard for me to love myself the way I wish I could, along with past trauma.
For those of you who are unaware, women’s clothing doesn’t seem to have a standard sizing system. It sounds like we do when we talk about how we wear a size small, medium or large in shirts, when someone says they are a size one or a size twelve, we sound like we know exactly what we are talking about, but honestly, I don’t think we do. I can say that I am a size six in pants and a medium in shirt, but that’s in Old Navy clothing. In Ardenes, I wear a size large or extra large in shirts. At other stores I can fit into a size small.
The other day I was at a thrift store, and decided to try on a few pair of jeans because I need new ones, and I grabbed a size six/seven, and to my utter frustration, they didn’t fit. I couldn’t get them past my thighs. Again I would like to state that I am about average in size. I was pretty well taught as a kid that my size equaled my worth. If I wasn’t a small waist size, then no boy would ever fancy me. That thought was cemented into my head more when my high school boyfriend of a year had cheated on me with a girl with an eating disorder. Here I was, a girl not allowed to wear smaller than a size seven(about 27inch) finding out that my boyfriend had cheated with a girl that was a size zero or smaller. It really took a large chunk out of my self-esteem.
So after my thrift store disappointment, I went to a local mall while I was home visiting one set of my parents and my sister. A store that I had gotten my favourite pair of jeans from was having a sale. $10 for a pair of jeans. That was great for a pretty much broke college kid. I went looking through the selection, and they had up to a size 25 inch then it jumped all the way to 30. The 25 was too tight, and the 30 would have been too big on me. They didn’t have anything between the two, and that broke my self esteem a little more.
Women’s shirts aren’t any better. One store you can wear a small, a completely different one you can’t get a small over your elbow. Women’s button up shirts can be the worst at fitting, because they have to be done up around the breasts, which can cause an issue. At this point I have basically given up. I plan to wear men’s button ups, a size or two larger than I need in shirts, and I guess I will have to stick to pants that will be worn out within a year to guarantee a good fit.
I am just so frustrated with clothing, and the notion that the number on a tag defines who I am as a person. I hate feeling like I need to be a smaller number to feel the same love as someone tinier than me. I am sick of the photo shopped images, the air brushed looks, and the fact that our clothing size isn’t regulated.
The Girl with Many Emotions