Driving Down Memory Lane. 

I’m surprised that I’ve made it this long since thinking about you, but here I am, remembering everything I ever liked about you. The sky is dark, starless and moonless, something that rarely happened when we were together. Street lights pass, as well as the bright headlights of oncoming traffic, and it just reminds me how much I miss you. 

I miss you in a way I’ve been denying. I don’t want to miss the romance, I miss the smiles we shared night after night, the laughs day after day. I miss the gentle touch of your hand as we crossed paths. I just miss YOU. 

It feels like forever since I looked into those burning brown eyes that you thought were average. Average wouldn’t haunt my dreams like your eyes do. 

You always had such a grumpy look on your face, but when it was graced with a smile, it lit up the entire room. Your laughter filled my heart with so much happiness that it feels cracked without it. I really miss the small moments. All the times you claimed to be anything but romantic, and then you’d say something sappy to try and raise my spirits. I feel like I’ll never be able to drive past this place, let alone go visit without feeling this ache in my heart. I really wish you’d come back telling me that you feel the same way, but I know deep in my soul that you won’t. That you don’t. And that’s okay because at least I know what I actually meant to you. 



My Dearest R

It’s been nearly six months since I last spoke to you, and I still miss you terribly. I’ve realized that you unfriended me and have likely blocked all contact with me because of everything that happened between us, but that doesn’t change the fact that those things still happened. While cleaning my room, I found the book I used to write things in over the summer, and within the many pages I found things that I wrote about you. Many of the things came after we had our fight but the feelings still remain the same. I miss you and the friendship we had before “us” happened.

But was there ever really an “us”? I mean, you held my hand like there was, you’d kiss me in the moonlight and tell me how I was yours and that no one else could have me.You got jealous over any males who spoke to me or showed the slightest interest in me. Sounds a lot like you wanted “us” to be a reality, maybe as much as I did.

Yet now it’s been months upon months that I’ve tried to reach out to you, with nothing in return. Please explain to me what happened to all the promises you made me about how no matter what you were going to stay there for me? I’ve needed you over the last few months, things have fallen apart and I needed more people to talk too, but you weren’t there for me.

I want to blame you for everything that happened, I want to say that it was your fault for telling me that you liked me too, for leading me on and saying all these things about how much you wanted me, but it’s not your fault. It’s mine and mine alone. I allowed myself to listen to everything you said to me. I ignored the feeling in my gut telling me that it wasn’t going anywhere, because I was to focused on wanting it to be real because i had liked you so long. I was foolish for ever thinking that it could be more than a summer fling. I know that you’ll never read this, but I still want to say that I miss the person you let me believe you were. I miss all the late night conversations we would have, talking for what felt like hours underneath the moonlight. I hope that one day we can reconnect and be friends again. I truly miss you and your burning brown eyes.


The girl with many emotions.

Sleepless slumber

It’s 1:37 AM and yet sleep avoids me like the plague. Far too many thoughts swarm around inside my head. Things that I haven’t thought about for a while. I wish some memories would stay in the past. 

A song came on that reminds me of a different time, a different me. Every person has many masks, one for different situations and events. I’m a completely different person with my friends than I am when I work around children. I love summer camp, but if any of my friends from outside of camp saw me in that environment, I am sure they wouldn’t know me. 

Memories from the summer are bombarding me at the moment, and I truly wish they would stop. They make me miss things that I feel are wrong to miss, people who don’t miss me. There was a person at this camp whom I have grown close too over the last few years, and now we don’t talk. We both made mistakes, and our friendship suffered for it. 

At first I was too heartbroken to really know what to do with myself. I was lost and wandering to see if there was a possibility that I had dreamt the whole thing, but when I pinched myself and didn’t wake up, I took to my greatest outlet. I began writing letters. 

I’ve written many letters to him, describing my feelings and just random things that have occurred. I’ve never sent them, nor will he ever read them. I just needed to get feelings of my chest, needed to lift a large weight from my shoulders. I’ve become stronger because of all of this, but still, he haunts me. 

And now, as it’s 1:50 in the morning, his golden brown eyes haunt me, eyes he used to call normal, but they held magic in them. He was able to fix so many broken pieces of me. I only wish I could speak to him once again, tell him how much I miss him, remind him of all the good memories, and take back the mistakes I made. 

My heart is heavy, my eyes are starting to fall. And I shall fall asleep to the sound of my favourite music playing, and the thought of possibilities past.